Monday, 30 January 2012

Something about: Celebrating Twenty.

It’s been quite a long time with this movie. Almost two years back, if I’m not mistaken. For some reasons I had decided to actually re-watching this again.

Jin Akanishi’s Hatachi no Sensou, insert song for the movie ‘Bandage’
The music arrangement, the voice, the script, the story beneath, the roles. I’m in love.


These few days I’m having little drawback over some people. Some people had console me, that we could never, ever, satisfied each and every single person around us – there’s always things that comes up in between. No matter how much we had tried to actually making things as best as we could. We plan, but Allah always knows better why things happened to be like that, right? ;)

To know how hypocrite some people around you is – for some reasons I feel glad with how things turns out to be. Be friendly with those types of people, you know you could actually gains benefit from them. True story. Haha. See? I’m not a goody-two-shoes for real. I could be bad, too! :D

Taking blame when it is not even your fault is kinda harsh, don’t you think so? Some people just putting on blame –or worse, finds people to put blame on- because I think they think it will be easier. But don’t you think that carrying such attitude is just so wrong in every aspect in your life? You choice, do the same? Bear it for the rest of your life.


Cheered and cheering. Life is about living to the fullest. Sometimes we lost our way during the journey. Sometimes we lost a goal as we keep on moving. It’s okay. A person that does never commit mistakes rarely learns much more than people that did, after all. Or that what I do believe in. ;)



Anyway, take care!



(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫ Jin Akanishi - Hatachi no Sensou

Friday, 27 January 2012

Something about: After.

Woke up earlier today with a juicy gossip about Jin Akanishi dating Meisa Kuroki. Oh, nice. Fierce girl? Nice pick boy. Very nice. ^_^ I am a fan of Jin and I'm also a fan of Meisa. So yeah, I kinda happy with this rumour and let's just hope this will be true. But as usual, Johnnny's Jimusho is fast. Why don't you let me dream about them for a little bit longeeeerrrrr? *cries* 

Next, a new music video from Jin Akanishi - Sun Burns Down. Waiting for few hours to actually download this thing (and it's not even HD because of my slow internet speed) and let's just sayyyyyy - I'm way happier with this song to be compared to Test Drive. The only thing that I actually do like about Test Drive MV is just the cars. While this? This.Is.Cool. =)


Tell me why don't you love this song. Or this MV, even. The geek-like glasses is so ohsem. Me like. :) Just actually hoping that Jin would actually moves more than...this? Like, "let's move it move it" thing. Haha. I don't even know am I making any sense here, but well, that's my opinion. I'm still a happy fangirl with this video. :D



On the other hand. Am still looking for migraine medicine that will actually works for me. The one currently consumed by me did works, but it makes me sleepy. I swear I could even sleep as I'm walking! :O That is supposedly not a very good thing, right? :/

Oh. These past few days I feel like being stabbed across my heart. One of my close friend says "he did not have feelings" while my close, close friends says that "Nabilah! He's not handsome, at all!" I feel I'm dying a little bit inside. :'( Gaaaahhhhhhhhhh~ I don't know~



Anyway, take care!



(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫ Jin Akanishi - Sun Burns Down.

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Something about: True.

My heart is healing well, I think. But still, Alhamdulillah.

Some of close people of mine had already knows the story. The story that I kept to myself that once I cried for almost a week because of someone. Not-so-further story collected from here and here. The senior refers to someone who truthfully I look up as a brother to me. 

Something happened days ago that hurts my heart deeply and I start to look back to the past and thinking about everything. Me being a hypocrite and me giving the second chance to the wrong person, all over again. Giving the second chance to get my heart bleed over and over again. Really, you don't want to mess up with people like me. I'm not that forgiving when matters turns serious. Like it? Hate it? Like I care what YOU think about it. 

One of the hardest thing that I've done is not being an actress, but being a hypocrite. Trying my best to shows that whatever that person had done to me is okay despite it is clearly not okay. Apart of me even thinking about giving that person a b*tchslap on that person's face so that person would realize how wrong you've act to me. 

Okay, maybe I'm not-so-okay at this moment still.

People don't simply stand strong without something big happened. #truestory



One the other side. I'm on my way to finishing up both my licences -car and motorcycle. Being the only person taught from zero, you got it right if you guess it is not an easy task to me. At all. Given that my body coordination is quite bad, it didn't really help much. No. It turns it worsen. Plus, I got panic attack. A lot and easily. Not cool girl. Not cool at all. -__- 

The second time I've drive -ever- something happened. Since I've never drive in my whole life, the teacher decided that driving in a not-busy-at-all highway might help. It did. It gives me time to coordinating things properly and slowly. You know, to make me grasp things one-by-one. The not so good thing is, I got a little bit too relaxed that I didn't realized I'm driving with the speed of 80km/h for quite a moment. That is, until the teacher said so to me. Haha. 

While the story about motorcycle, one fact about me at this moment is that I don't know how to start it. I know to ride it by now, but each and every single time someone need to start the bike for me. Not cool. I know. But having a great balance helps a lot, thankfully. First time riding a bike, just thrice that I fall down, without a scratch. That's kinda cool. Hah. :)



While last Sunday, Anis+the boys+I rendezvoused around Kedah's state. We rent car for this! Went shopping (I got a new pair of shoes for MYR24 since my last shoes is...a disaster after strings of things happened) and grab food(s)! I'm lovin' it!  :D Yes, I love to eat despite I do know I can't eat a lot. Damn small stomach! XD We are supposedly buying books at Popular bookstore with none of us actually guessed that it is closed for Chinese New Year's celebration. Kinda waste our time but at least we didn't really go just for the books, so thank God! Had a great dinner at Kuala Perlis before we turn back to UiTM and send the car back to its' owner. 

Oh, during our crazy moment, one thing killed out great time. So I decided to listen to people's advice to me, let it go since it is not worth our time. So yeah!!! I'll take it seriously this time. :D 



Anyway, take care!



(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫ GReeeen - Ai Uta
ps; love. tq.

Friday, 20 January 2012

Sesuatu tentang: KeCiWa.

Aku ingatkan aku marah.

Tapi aku silap.

Aku kecewa.

Kenapa?

Aku ingatkan aku salah. Tak, tak. Aku amat berharap yang aku salah menilai orang.

Tapi aku betul.

Tapi kalau aku betul, kenapa aku kecewa?

Sebabnya biarlah aku pendam sahaja.

Tapi kata kawan aku pula, "Nabilah kalau marah mesti diluah. Kalau disimpan menjadi benda lain pula."

Aku diam.

Tapi diam aku bukan tidak ada perasaan.

Diam aku memendam.

Dan satu persatu yang terjadi disimpan.





Aku terpaksa mengaku aku hipokrit. Setelah kau berubah, sedar atau tidak.

Thursday, 19 January 2012

Something about: True Story.

Once upon a time and still. ♥♥♥ 

Missing. Regret. Pain&sadness.



ps; problem?

Monday, 16 January 2012

Cerpen: Perihal Cinta; Prequel

Dziyab melangkah masuk ke dalam rumahnya dengan langkah yang berat setelah dia keluar dari kereta Prius miliknya. Sekembalinya dari mesyuarat sebentar tadi, kepalanya sesak dengan pelbagai bebanan yang disebabkan oleh kerjanya itu. Benar, dia amat sayangkan pekerjaannya di firma swasta itu, namun bebanan kerja yang berat yang harus dihadapinya kadang-kala membuatkan fikirannya bercelaru dengan mudah. Menjadikan anginnya kadang-kala tidak menentu. Terutamanya jika firma sedang merencanakan untuk melaksanakan projek baru. Otaknya harus diperah sepenuhnya agar semuanya dapat berjalan dengan lancar.

Prius.

Dia membuka pintu dan matanya segera mencari Qistina, yang ketika itu sedang tidur dengan nyenyak di atas sofa dengan peti televisyen masih lagi bernyawa. Senyuman tanpa paksa terukir di bibirnya secara semula jadi. Perlahan-lahan dia melangkah ke sofa itu dan duduk di atas karpet tebal, menatap dan merenung wajah isterinya yang sedang tidur itu. Diambil alat kawalan jauh yang terletak di sebelah tangan isterinya dan ditutup peti televisyen, menjadikan ruang tamu itu sunyi sepi tanpa sebarang bunyi. Wajahnya langsung tidak dipanggungkan dari menatap wajah isterinya.

Melihat wajah isteri tersayangnya itu, entah bagaimana fikirannya yang bercelaru dengan pelbagai masalah tadi menjadi tenang – tenang-setenangnya. Fikirannya melayang, memikirkan bahawa saat ini sudah lebih dari dua tahun dia telah berkahwin dengan Qistina. Hatinya kembang dengan perasaan bahagia. Dikuis sedikit anak rambut yang menutup sebahagian wajah isterinya dengan berhati-hati agar tidak menggangu tidur isterinya. Namun gerakannya yang sedikit itu telah membuatkan isterinya jaga dari tidurnya.

Qistina membuka matanya perlahan-lahan dan wajah suami tersayangnya semakin jelas menghiasi penglihatannya. Segera dia membetulkan duduk dan menyambut tangan suaminya untuk disalam dan dikucup. “Dah lama ke abang balik ni? Maaf, tertidur tadi langsung tak perasan abang dah balik.” Qistina bersuara setelah Dziyab duduk di sampingnya sambil menahan kantuk.

Dziyab menggelengkan kepalanya sedikit. “Tak lama pun. Baru je sampai ni.” Tangannya sengaja dilingkarkan di pinggang isterinya. Pipi isterinya dikucup perlahan, namun penuh mesra.

Qistina hanya mengangguk. Sedang ketika itu bibirnya diketap sambil otaknya ligat menyusun kata untuk menyampaikan suatu perkhabaran kepada suaminya itu. Badannya disandarkan ke badan suaminya, mencari posisi yang selesa.

“Qis, ada nak cakap apa-apa ke?” Dziyab bertanya sambil rangkulan di pinggang isterinya dikejapkan sedikit. Agak aneh dengan perilaku Qistina yang tidak seperti kebiasaan pada malam itu. Lazimnya, isterinya rajin bercerita tentang apa yang dilaluinya sepanjang hari, tidak seperti waktu ini.

“Hm, sebenarnya kan...” Qistina terhenti dan tunduk. Otaknya masih merangka ayat yang terbaik untuk menyampaikan berita itu.

“Ya...” Dziyab bertanya, perlahan.

“Hm...” Qistina menyeluk saku seluar yang dipakainya dan menyerahkan satu alat sebesar tapak tangan kepada suaminya, berharap agar Dziyab memahami isyarat dan berita yang ingin disampaikannya itu.

Dziyab menyambut dan meneliti alat yang berada di telapak tangannya dengan penuh minat. Dia seperti pernah melihat alat itu, namun dia benar-benar terlupa. Satu persatu kotak memorinya dibuka, cuba mengingati perihal alat kecil itu. Hampir lima minit ruang tamu itu sunyi sepi, memerah otak untuk mengingati alat itu dan mentafsir berita yang ingin disampaikan isterinya, sebelum dia hampir pasti dan memandang wajah isterinya yang semakin merah waktu itu. “Qis... Qis mengandung ke?” Dia memegang kedua-dua bahu isterinya, cuba mengalihkan perhatian Qistina agar memberikan tumpuan kepada hanya dirinya.

Urine Pregnancy Test @ UPT

Perlahan-lahan Qistina mengangguk, mengiakan telahan yang dibuat suaminya. Dia memandang suaminya yang sedang tersenyum lebar, dan tidak dapat tidak, dia juga tersenyum – bahagia.

“Alhamdulillah, terima kasih ya Allah.” Bisik Dziyab.



Qistina duduk berteleku di sebelah suaminya yang sedang tidur nyenyak di atas sofa berhadapan set televisyen di rumah mertuanya. Khusyuk meneliti wajah suaminya hinggalah matanya jatuh ke arah jari kelingking suaminya yang dihiasi dengan cincin perak miliknya suatu ketika dahulu. 

"forever love" ukiran di cincin yang pernah menjadi milik Qistina dahulu.

“Tidur lagi Dziyab ni?” Mak menegur Qistina yang sedang mengelamun sewaktu itu.

Qistina mengangguk, perlahan. Mengerti bahawa suaminya kepenatan. “Malam tadi abang overtime. Sebenarnya kami tak rancang pun nak balik minggu ni, mak.” Qistina mengangkat muka sedikit, memandang ibu mertuanya. Benar, atas suatu berita mereka pulang melawat keluarnya Dziyab di Seremban hari itu. Dia juga sedar bahawa tidak elok untuk tidur selepas Asar, namun suaminya terlalu penat ketika itu. Apatah lagi mereka terus pulang ke kampung setelah mendapatkan pengesahan dari doktor mengenai kehamilan Qistina itu.

Mak ingin bertanya kenapa anak lelaki tunggalnya itu terlalu penat, namun melihat wajah Qistina yang sedikit pucat, namun berseri-seri itu, hatinya dapat menangkap maksut yang tersirat. “Hm, takpelah. Mak nak bersihkan ayam kat dapur ni, ye? Lepas tu nak masak makan malam terus.”

Qistina hampir bangun untuk mengikuti ibu mertuanya ke dapur, namun dihalang.

“Kamu ni, rehat banyak-banyak ajelah. Nanti Dziyab sebal pulak dengan kamu. Bukan kamu tak tahu angin dia tu.” Mak tersenyum senang dapat mengusik menantunya yang seorang itu.

Qistina tertunduk malu, tona merah pada wajahnya yang cerah itu semakin jelas.



Qistina setia melayan suaminya di meja makan, langsung tidak kekok walaupun mereka dikelilingi ahli keluarga Dziyab yang lain.

Dziyab hanya tersenyum, bahagia. “Mak, abah. Kami ada benda nak umumkan ni.” Dziyab berkata sewaktu mereka sedang menjamu selera air tangan mak.

Abah hanya memandang Dziyab, memberi kebenaran secara senyap untuk Dziyab meneruskan bicaranya.

“Qistina mengandung. Dah masuk minggu keempat dah.” Senyuman langsung tidak lekang dari bibirnya. Syukurnya dia kepada Allah SWT kerana mereka telah menunggu lebih dari dua tahun sebelum mendapat khabar gembira ini. “Dan kamu berdua,” Dziyab memandang wajah kedua-dua adik perempuannya, “akan menjadi makcik dalam lebih kurang lapan bulan lagi, sementara mak dan abah akan menjadi nenek dan atuk.”



Mak tersenyum senang malam itu, telahannya setelah melihat Qistina sewaktu sampai lewat tengah hari tadi terbukti tepat. Benar, Mak tidak pernah kisahkan apa yang dikata dek orang setelah Dziyab dan Qistina yang telah mendirikan rumahtangga lebih dari dua tahun namun tidak mempunyai anak. Tetapi mak tahu betapa kata-kata orang luar itu menghiris hati Qistina walaupun Qistina sentiasa menidakkan setiap kali Mak bertanya tentang perasaannya. Mak tahu anak dan menantunya itu bahagia –dengan cara mereka – bak kata Dziyab dahulu; namun cakap-cakap begitu kadang-kala sungguh menyakitkan. Dan Mak juga tahun betapa Qistina dan Dziyab sendiri menginginkan cahaya mata secepat mungkin, namun rezeki mereka belum sampai.

Mak tahu malam itu dia akan tidur dengan lena. Mendapat perkhabaran tentang bakal cucu pertamanya membuatkan hatinya lapang – bahagia.



Dan lapan bulan kemudian, Rayyan selamat dilahirkan atas kasih sayang semua disekelilingnya. Namun itu, kisah yang lain pula.

---

notakaki: bahagian I & bahagian II
notakaki ii: rindu sangat kat seseorang. maka tercetus ilham untuk menyambung cerita yang telah lama ditinggalkan ini. selain diilhamkan lagu "pupus" nyanyian kumpulan Dewa dan lagu AiUta dari kumpulan Greeeen.


ただアリガトウじゃ 伝えきれない
泣き笑いと悲しみ喜びを共に分かち合い生きて行こう
いくつもの 夜を越えて
僕は君と 愛を唄おう

Tada arigatou ja tsutaekirenai
Nakiwarai to kanashimi yorokobi wo tomo ni wakachiai ikite ikou
Ikutsumo no yoru wo koete
Boku wa kimi to ai wo utaou

Thank you isn’t enough to say this
Let’s share our tearful smiles and sadness and happiness for the rest of our lives
Night after night
I’ll sing about my love with you

Mimpi tak mampu jadi kenyataan semudah itu. :'(

Sunday, 15 January 2012

Sesuatu tentang: Ha.

saya rindu nak spam dengan seseorang.

saya rindu gila-gila seseorang.

saya rindu nak berborak tentang perkara yang tak masuk akal dengan seseorang.

saya rindu nak belajar mengenai seseorang.

saya rindu momen-momen indah yang dihabiskan dengan seseorang.



terima kasih hati. sebab bertindak ikut ego. sekarang, padan muka diri!



ps; kalau tak rindu tak boleh ke? haih! -,-;

Friday, 13 January 2012

Something about: Quirks update.

the one that I miss with all my heart.

Currently high on drugs. Haha. :D

Workload is just woah. Apart of me thinks that indeed, it is a great distraction form what I'm feeling inside. When somethings like this happen, I just hate being alone because when I am alone, I tend to think more on 'what if's' and truthfully, it ain't fun at all. This time, I just repeating to myself that I need to focus on things that need proper views. 

It just kinda funny that for once, this didn't happen as what I think it would. BOY, Y U NO UNDERSTAND? #lol

Just changing medicine for migraine. The new drug working kinda okay, but it makes me sleepy all the time and my head feels too light. Not sure if its a good thing or not, but I just hope that my study won't affected too much because of this new drug.

Still, reminiscing the past with some people was kinda happy moments, too. =) 

Oh, and juicy gossips which is actually no concern of me. Things happened. Relationship? Haha. Who knows? 
ps; I'm sure no guys would like to become a laughing stock, don't you? ;)



Anyway, take care!



(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫ GReeeen - Ai Uta
ps; edited since butthurt-ians is troublesome. 

Sunday, 8 January 2012

Something about: Lately.

Lately, I realized how easily I get stressed. Which not good at all to me, since my blood pressure could fall below normal easily. Trying some way to making it normal and one of it is by eating few things that could help to make the blood circulation flows normally. Can't tell if its working yet, but as long I did not fainted easily, I guess all is well. :)

Talking to few important people to me lately, which one of the way that could make me feels rejuvenated. Thanks to each and every single one of them. 

Midnight supper.
Oh, I eat a lot when things happens. 

And no, the word responsibility is not a word that you could play with - with me. Definitely. :)




Anyway, take care!



(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫ Akanishi Jin - Tipsy Love

Thursday, 5 January 2012

HF; Façade



You keep on holding the pain that seeping through your body. Pretending that nothing was wrong despite truthfully, everything was. You keep on with the thought that if you believe that the pain weren’t there, you won’t feel the pain.

You whimper once, the pain is barely bearable. The pain inside was like a needle; a long needle that poking your body from inside. You feel the pain, the clench and unclench of it inside of you.

You look in front of you and you see red. Blood. You think that somewhere, someone might be able to stop it. But you know that no one could stop the pain, truth be told. You just knew, there’s no justification of such thought – but you just knew.

So you smile, stand strong and tall.

At least you know when you’re feeling the pain; it proves that you’re alive.

And you can’t help but laugh at such sickening thought invading your mind.

It’s okay, you think. Putting on façade and everything will be okay; will be fine.

So you smile.



ps; dear dear, please get a haircut. and stop the perm-thing. the normal wave is okay, but the curly hair must go away. and please smile more. sincerely, your sweetie pie. ♥

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Something about: Beloved ones.

Since our families didn't really celebrate things such as New Year, instead we have family gathering since one of my uncles just move to a new home. :)

Beloved ones! ♥  

I guess the caption said it all. Beloved once; my parents and grandmother and aunties and uncles. Without them all, well, just who we (read; my cousins and I) are, right? ;)



Anyway, take care!



(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫