kau tau apa perasannya ditinggalkan?

seolah-olah kau digantung tak bertali;
dicerai talak mati.

Something about: I'm Falling for You

I'm literally addicted to this song. 

Cause I could relate how pain it is when you're kinda have this stupid feelings on your friend. It is just like, the epitome of stupidity, maybe. Ya'know?

It just, the feelings is plain sucks. 

  Chester See's youtube

Chester See

I'm Falling For You

I don't wanna tell you that I long to see your face

I'm scared it might scare you away

and I don't wanna tell you that sometimes I think of you and smile

cause time with you is time enough for now

But I don't know how long I can stick around and be

just another friend time and time again and hold my tongue.

I don't know how long before it breaks me down inside

and all my strength has gone away, and it's too late before I say

I'm falling for you

I'm falling for you

I'm trying hard to be myself but I always seem to fail

I'm afraid I'm not the guy you know so well

cause every time I'm near you I just I seem to lose my head

and spend my time admiring instead.

But I don't know how long I can stick around and be

just another friend time and time again and hold my tongue.

I don't know how long before it breaks me down inside

and all my strength has gone away, and it's too late before I say

I'm falling for you

I'm falling for you

I'm torn between the chance for everything and a price that I can't pay

losing you is something that I'd never chose so I'll just have to wait

but it kills me everyday

I'm falling for you

I'm falling for you

I'm falling for you

I'm falling for you

I don't wanna tell you that sometimes I think of you and smile

Lyrics of Chester See's "I'm Falling for You" by Chester See. I own nothing. ;')

Yeah, it'll be cool if you know what I feel. 

Anyway, take care!

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫ Chester See - I'm Falling for You

ps; it sucks when you need to pretend you're okay when you're obviously not. :'/

hati yang degil.

berkali-kali diingati, sayang itu haruslah punya limitasi.

namun sering saja hati ini lepasi.

makanya seringlah kau terluka lagi.

berkali-kali.

ps; i'm sorry; i'm not perfect enough.

Sesuatu tentang: Peluang kedua...

Peluang kedua takkan datang hanya sebab kau merayu. Merayu dan terus merayu, diterima dan dimaafkan atas segala kesilapan dan kesalahan masa lampau. 

Peluang kedua tidak datang sebegitu. Yang datang sebegitu hanya peluang pertama.

Untuk kau memperolehi peluang kedua adalah dengan kau tunjuk sendiri - sebanyak mana perubahan kau, setinggi mana penyesalan mana, sedalam mana keinginan kau - untuk diberikan peluang kedua. 

Supaya kau sedar -jika- peluang kedua itu datang dengan usaha.

Peluang kedua, yang kadang-kala aku rasa hanya untuk kau permainkan lagi hati ini. Jika itu niat kau, baik kau pergi - dan jangan kembali lagi.

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫ Jayeslee Cover - Psy (Gangnam Style)
ps: Jayeslee's voices is addicting! :D

sometimes, when I realized that people lied to me

on my face - directly

things turns out to be ugly

but sometimes, you can't help it.

you're heartbroken, afterall.

I just did this. 

cuba kau bayangkan kau tengah tidur dengan lena 

tiba-tiba terbuka mata

melihat

teman sebilik kau turun dari katil

dengan gaya seperti Sadako keluar dari peti televisyen

ps; aku hanya berseorangan dalam bilik. 

makanya ia menjadi lawak lebih dari menakutkan

oh. kalian tertanya-tanya kenapa aku tidak lagi duduk berbual mesra dengan mereka; mereka yang dahulunya rapat dengan diri ini.

kerana aku sudah berputus asa. dan tidak mampu membiarkan diri terluka lagi.

aku sedar, diriku juga tidaklah sebegitu sempurna. 

sedar juga akan kelemahan dan kekurangan.

tapi aku tak mampu nak sentiasa bertolak ansur dengan mereka; 

tidak mampu lagi untuk makan hati berulam jantung;

merelakan sahaja hati dilukai, ditoreh, dan berdarah lagi.

sedangkan luka lama itu masih belum sembuh.

kerana aku tak kuat, tak kukuh untuk menerima segalanya dengan hati terbuka.

maaf jika aku punyai khilaf kepada dirimu.

dan aku juga belajar memaafkan.

namun aku tak pasti mampukah hati ini terbuka lagi untuk menerima kehadiran kalian kembali.

maaf sekali lagi.

Something about: Leaving You Lonely

I…chickened out today. Okay, not just today. I am a scaredy cat. So just don’t ask me why I didn’t go and meet the doctor. :P

Today, I’m looking for music from Eric Dill (he’s the former lead singer of The Click Five) because let’s admit it, he’s awesome okay? ^__^ I had always having some sort of soft spot to him after I’m stuck listening to the song of Just the Girl since I’m twelve. Woah! That’s a long way to go, right?

No, I do not hate Kyle Patrick or anything, but I like Eric’s voice much more than Kyle’s. It’s just different, you know? And Kyle’s voice didn’t really linger or my mind, like Eric’s. =) Plus one point to Eric for being a hottie and manlier than Kyle. Haha.

So, back to the topic. As I’m browsing to the internet, I found out that Eric Dill actually having his very own Youtube Account, so being a curious fangirl I am, I decided to check it out. And BAM! There. Leaving You Lonely by Eric Dill.

Eric Dill – Leaving You Lonely

I take shots in the dark

Cause I don't know where you are

But you know

I never meant to break your heart

I didn't want to see you cry

I didn't want to say goodbye

Even when I knew

I knew it wasn't right

This can't be right

Ohh...

Now I'm missing you badly

missing your arms around me

Watching you sleeping soundly

So lovely, so alive

But it's killing me slowly

Holding you close and knowing

I'd be leaving you lonely

I'd be leaving you lonely

In a moment like a flash

Like a candle burning fast

Sometime's love just

Isn't meant to last

It wasn't that we were wrong

The feeling is never gone

We could only burn

So bright, so long

So long

So long...

Now I'm missing you badly

missing your arms around me

Watching you sleeping soundly

So lovely, so alive

But it's killing me slowly

Holding you close and knowing

I'd be leaving you lonely

I'd be leaving you lonely

Everytime you fly off that track

You break me down

And you come right back to me

Fall right back on me

Everytime you fly off that track

You break me down

And you come right back to me

All falls back on me

you fall right back on me

Every time you fall off that track

You break me down

And you come right back to me

Right back to me

And every time you fall off that track

you break me down

and you come right back to me

Right back to me

Oh, where are you now?

Cause I'm missing you badly

I'm missing your arms around me

Watching you sleeping soundly

So lovely, so alive

But it's killing me slowly

Holding you close and knowing

I'd be leaving you lonely

I'd be leaving you lonely

Every time you fly off that track

You break me down

And you come right back to me

Fall right back on me

Everytime you fly off that track

You break me down

And you come right back to me

It all falls back on me

Fall right back on me

Lyric's not mine. Found from MrGoogle.

---

I love this song so much. I like how the lyric were written in a way that somehow, I could understand his feelings and what this song is about actually (well, I hope I get the means right because I just love it so much!). Because for me, I’ll say things repeatedly to convey not just other’s feelings but also mine.

“In a moment like a flash

Like a candle burning fast

Sometime's love just

Isn't meant to last

It wasn't that we were wrong

The feeling is never gone

We could only burn

So bright, so long

So long

So long…”

This stanza hit me hard, somehow. There are so many things that happen not because we want to, but it is just because it had to. Put in the circumstances that staying together just hurts both sides, and sometimes separation is the only solution. Not because that the love is not there anymore, but to stop each other from hurt. And it wasn’t that separation didn’t hurt, of course it hurts, but it hurts less than staying together. It’s quite confusing, but it is like that, sometimes…

“Memories are very confusing.

It makes you cries remembering why you smiled;

and makes you smiles remembering why you cried.”

Of course, if life’s just too easy, what’s the purpose of living? *bittersweet smiles*

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Eric Dill - Leaving You Lonely

I wonder if you did know how much I like it when you're smiling.

Something about: Patient Pays...

...Sooner. Or later. We just need to sit back, relax and enjoy what we have right now.

Last week was kinda hectic as quite a number of things need to be settled in one go. But thank God, Alhamdulillah, everything went quite well in the end.

One of the things is, preparing job application letter and resume for our mock interview. The given post to me is being an Education Counselor at one of private university here in Malaysia. Well, it is mock interview, the word mock itself should present the mean of the said assignment, right?

Preparing the resume had makes me think about the future a little bit more that I usually would. "Future" to me is what I need to do next, and what I'm aiming to be soon. I rarely think about more than a year ahead (unless about babies, yes, I do think A LOT about babies).

I want to have a stable life. Get married before 27. And have 2 kids before I'm 30. Why? I did not want to be THAT old when my child graduating their study. Haha. Just imagine. If my child was born when I'm 30 years old, I would be 50+ when my child graduates. THAT old? (nak bergambar pon dah tak vouge!) 

I dream of someone who will hold me, spooning me close to him and could whispering sweet nothings to me when I'm feeling too miserable. And just be there when I need him. Someone who would look after me. Who cares for me. Who would treat me like I am the most important lady (next to his mother, of course) in the world. Someone who could guide me. Someone who could lead me when its time to pray, be my Imam. Someone who could just accept me as what I am. The good and the bad side of me.

I just want to have a small families, yet full of love. Because sometimes, that's the only thing that matters.

Anyway, take care and have a great day! =)

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Far East Movement - Rocketeer.

ps: I'm way too miserable at this moment. Someone keeps me at confuse. 

Something about: life is not easy.

Feeling a little bit helpless after seeing a mate's blog. I mean, she is someone that I care, A LOT, but I never get the courage to show it to her without looking so gay. She made me worried of her right now, as her life is just turning upside down for awhile by now. Oh, how I hope that I could be beside her and just give her a warm hug, or a helping hand so that she could cope up with her life. Well, dear, life is not easy, but hey, there's always silver lining over things that happen, please remember that, okay?

Next, Micro-E's test is just hours away, and I had covered only some of the topic. I know I shouldn't take things easily, but hey, its Micro-E! Its like, super duper boring subject to read. The thing that you should do to learn this subject is just stay focus in class, and InsyaAllah, things will be easy for you. ;) Plus, I'm a little bit tired of running around before this. XD

Oh. I tried to donate some blood, but my blood pressure is too low. So yeah, maybe later. ;)

I was reading something as I write this. And and and. I just wanna laugh. XD I mean. Okay, fineeee. Do whatever you want to do, or even think as you wish. LIKE HELL I CARE. Bare that in your mind, please. XD

Okay. I miss someone. Like. A guy. Though I know we won't evolve more than friends. One of my besties asks, 'why not?' and that is a big question for me to answer. I mean. Not now. Too many things need my attention and lets just says that guy is not my top priority at the moment? Something along that. XD

And yeah, Update about Z. I heard that your mom let you drive to college? Okay. I am so damn jealous of that, can? :P But please, take care, okay? ;) I do miss you. I know you knew it. But I just have the feeling that I should express it myself. XD

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!

(|]=^,^=[|)♪♫~~ Ella featuring Spider - Dunia Batinku

Something about: Should and should not.

I should stop abusing my two kidneys. Drink enough water. Not too much and not too little. I really need not an experience in hospital. Those check-ups is enough trauma to me. :/

I should eat regularly. And on time too. Not eat whenever I'm in the mood and not eat when I'm not in the mood.

I should get my temper check. Being a girl does not mean that I should let my moodswing overcome my rationale in making decisions.

I should let some things go. Time keeps on flying. Lingers in past no more.

I should let time decide things. February it is, then. Because it means a season had passed since I met someone.

I should learn to forgive and forget. Not forgive and let things taking toll on me. Heal myself and others too.

I should spend time to let things between us heal, and patching things up. Dear Z, this is for you. And please, no more posts about those sleepovers, please. Eating (drinking, actually) those raw eggs is NOT interesting. Truth be told, its quite disgusting, actually. And the joke about soda too. Ew! >.>"



I should not let people influence me. Its okay if its for the better, but not for something that just bring out harm to me.

I should not let people do things to me as they wish. Learn to speak up more no matter hurt the truth is.

I should not pretend that I'm okay when I'm not.

I should stop abusing my body. For real. Try not to be as clumsy as before. My left leg is still on the process of healing and the next thing I realized is my right leg is hurting. XD



Its raining suddenly. All my clothes is affected, even a little. I just did my laundry earlier and the rain suddenly come and and and my clothes. ;___; Raiinnnnn~ Why so sudden?

On the other hand,... LOL. This. I was playing Sorority Life in facebook and they had this fortune cookies to be draw everyday and I got this. LOL LOL LOL. I already friended my mother on facebook, so should I be worried? XD


Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone~ :)



(|]^,^[|) ♪♫~~ Emilia - Big Big Girl

Something about: an open letter (or something like that)...

There are times that we take things for granted. And it’s not a good thing to be done. But most of us did it, anyway. It’s like, one of the most normal things to be done. -,-"

Still. I think that sometime, we forgotten over the fact that we can’t read people’s mind. Well, some is given the ability to, but not me. I think I’m one of the bluntest people that you could ever meet, if you know me personally. It’s hard to explain, but that’s the way I am. I think I’m the simplest type of person, compared to many others too, but lots of people seem to disagree with that.

We can’t put a big hope that others will understand us just like that. Or even do things the way we do things. There’s this article from a newspaper about “I can’t make others be me” or something along that. I didn’t recall much, but I do remember the story of two people and their way of doing good deed. Mr A chooses to do this, and Mr B chooses to do that. Both of them doing something good, but the differentiation between them is what they had done, and the way they done it. So same, yet so different.

To everyone,…

I know that action had always speaks louder than words. But for someone who’s as blunt as me, only words OR only actions, sometimes, won’t make me understand. And I can’t read what inside other’s mind, too. People act like this and like that, sometimes I could only see things in my own logic and failed to see it in others perspective. That’s the way I am. I’m still a human that learning to live, and how way things work in this world. I make mistakes, lots and lots of it, and I truly apologize from deep in my heart. I’m sorry for everything things that I’ve done or everything that I had said that hurts you. Sometime it’s happen unintentionally, but some don’t. But for everything wrong that I had done, my apologize.

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone~~~

(|]^,^[|)♪♫~~ flumpool - Zanzou

Something about: walking down memory lane.

I was reading this from a friend's blog. So I thought I want to do the same? 2010 will come to an end, soon than I expected. This year had mean a lot to me, as I see, learn and experiencing many things that I never thought I would. I mean, not that soon. XD This year, again, had seen me cries and laugh, making new friends, and learn to open a little bit of my heart. It comes with consequences, and I didn't regret it, not even a little. Because without such experience, I'll not be the me as I am, and not being mature, even a little that I was before.

Things I have done:

1. Entering a university. Even the course was not the course that I really hope, but I thankful that I at least could continue studying. I can't complain much after all, my result aren't that good to be compared as many others, so given the chance to continue studying was enough to me.

2. Making new friends. Despite things was not going on as well as I hope at first, but I'm grateful that I know them. In the end, I could makes conclusion that no living human is perfect. We makes mistakes. We yell, we get angry, we share secrets, we share feelings, we share thoughts, we laugh, we cry, we, learn, and do many more together, and I think having wonderful memories is all that I need. I guess I'm not in a position to asks for more. 

3. Catching up with my old good friends. Friends from during my standard school, especially. Its fun to know that lots of them is growing up, become mature, and even be in relationship. Haha~ XD Who would've thought that my friends from two completely different school and not knowing each other had met and well, being couple? Its kinda awkward when I learn about it at first, but after awhile, I can see them together. I really hope that they'll get married one day. They look so cute together! I too, learned about a friend that had changed her way of looking at me. Before, I was a very kampung type of girl, didn't really socialize much with girls, and not that clever to be compared to many others, and just yesterday she says that "if I can turn back the time, I think I'll change many things that happened between us" and all. It kinda shocking to me, but I could only said that people change. I did, and so did she.

4. Learning traditional dance. Not that much, but still. Haha~ Me+dancing is not a good equation. Definitely. And listening to a senior commenting that I more like marching than dancing is not that encouraging, too. I can't dance, because I can't follow the beat perfectly. Tone-deaf, I believe. Haha~ But still, its an experience, and the most important thing is I enjoy what I did. 

5. Learn to live without my parents beside me. Waking up in the morning, especially. Because I'm a heavy sleepers. Who could've thought that the person that need her mother to (literally) screams that her ear could wake up by herself? And even taking care of her roommates, too? Haha. I (literally) was the alarm clock in my room. There are times when I didn't have an early class and well, having my monthly period, so I didn't wake up that early. Guess what happen? Both of my roommates almost late to go to their classes. Haha. XD

6. Do confessions. No. Not in my blog. But to people that I love and I care and everyone that I appreciate in my life. Not one. But everyone that I really care. But to think back, I did confess to him, too. 

7. Learn to walk properly. Haha. This. People keep on complaining to me how I actually walk like a gangster and whatsoever, and the conclusion that could be made was; I need high heels. Or I'll be walking like a duck. HAHAHAAAAAA. I can't wear flats. For real. And just yesterday my best friend advising me that its not good and blablabla. But no, high heels is my lifesaver. XD

8. Wears  baju kebaya. For dinner. I can't believe that I did that, actually. Because I used to be fat before, and wearing baju kabaya was just a no-no to me. But yeah, the good thing about Arau is I'm losing weight, easily. Even my friends says that I look smaller than before. One of my aunts says that my face really look smaller. I never care much about my weight. But after losing many, I look back at my old pictures and sighs. I am fat before. Not fat fat, but chubby type of fat. XD

9. Losing weight. Lots of it, I believe? XD With walking around the campus by foot and those co-curricular activity, I think I lose quite a lot. Maybe around four-five kg? To some people, its not that much, but for someone short like me, losing those few kilos could affect a lot in BMI. Hehe~ I think being short is not that bad. Some guys think short people is cute. XD

I won't be doing the list of things that I had not manage to do. I don't know. I think if I did it, I might end up crying right here right now. I don't want that to happen. And sometime, saying "thank you" is even sadder than saying "goodbye". But still, people refuse to bid farewell. Why?

Its already New Year's eve, and tomorrow the journey to Arau will begin. *sigh*

Anyway, take care and have a great New Year, everyone!!!

(|]^.^[|)♪♫~~~ Ne-Yo - So Sick

Something about: confession(s).

14. I'm NOT a gay. But I like to act like one. I don't know. Making guys afraid of me was kinda cool, you know? But no, I'm not a lesbian and whatsoever. =,= It just weird when someone asks me directly if I'm a lesbian. Haha. I don't like real lesbian. They're creepy. Giving me goosebumps all over myself. But I like to pretend to be one. Its fun.

15. I love myself so much. That is a fact, well-known by people around me. But I guess loving myself so much that I barely could love others was not a popular fact of me. So there. :)

16. I have a hot over Kamenashi Kazuya. Talk good thing or nothing about him, and you'll be safe. One bad word about him, well. ^^v You should prepare yourself. I'm biased as that. =)

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone~

(|]^.^[|)♪♫~ Crystal Kay - Boyfriend ~What Makes me Fall in Love~

Something about: confession(s).

So I decided to make series out of this. Have fun~

11. I talks with Miss F today. For almost an hour. It somehow makes me feel extremely great to know that she's living her life so well. I miss you so, so much. And kame-chan still sleeps with me. Though I don't know if kame-chan will follow me this upcoming semester. Hee~

12. I can't understand my father sometimes. A few days ago, he talked (complained) to me about smoking and smoker. I understand that he hates them. Okay. Despise them is more likely. But then, my brother is not a smoker. So is my brother-in-law. The thing is, why he complained to me? >.>" I can't understand it.

13. I should so friends cleaning on my facebook. NOT adding more and more people into it. Hehe~ XD I still failed to do so. Seeing the numbers growing makes me lazy to do it. I mean. I'm having 260-something "friends" on my facebook, and I barely interacted with almost half of them. 60-something was just friends that I add for the sake of playing Sorority Life (which I had stopped playing it right now, just for the record) and then there's people that I don't even know. But what did I do right now? Trying to find more and more friends from my childhood using it. FAIL!

I just realized that it'll be less than two months and I'll be 19. Uhm. 20 is coming closer. >.>"

Anyway, take care and have a great day, everyone~~~

(|]^.^[|)♪♫ Akanishi Jin - A Page

Something about: confession(s).

I just thought that it will be fun to write these out. Haha. ;)

1. I gain weight. Maybe few kilos, maybe more, I don't know. But for sure, my face did looks bigger. The cause - happiness or sadness? I don't know. XD

2. Having two confession throw directly at my faces from two different guys. One that I had blocked from viewing my fb's wall, and another that,... Well. A secret that should kept untold. Haha. It makes something flutters inside, happy indeed, to know that you have people that likes you. But the aftermath is quite suffocating, especially when there's people who can't take a "no" as an answer. I hate being forced. Thus it makes me take such decision, block him from viewing my fb's wall. Its hard for me too, but its too suffocating. Too many things happen to me lately that I'm not being myself anymore. And there's some other guys hinting for relationship too. The only thing that I could do is ignoring them. Posting mushy stuff on my wall like I'm in love (when I actually NOT) and they get the hint and keep things cool. I like that. Keeping relationship as friends right now is very much appreciated by me. 

3. Meeting good old friend(s) in facebook. I call it as "the magic of technology". =) It feels great, very, to know each and every single one of them living their live in their own way. I can't explain it, but it makes me happy. So very much. It even makes me wonders how this person knows this person and that person knows that person, too. The schoolmates from standard school, especially. Most of them, I had lost contact for almost five years, and wallaahhh~ Facebook is there. "The magic of technology". =)

4. Trying to blogging more than I did last year. Heee~ That's why I'm spamming my very own blog. Just to achieve that much. I think I did. =)

5. I miss Arau, damn much. I can't believe I actually say (write) it, but really. I grow fond of that place. I like the peacefulness there. A very great place to focus on your study than others. ;)

6. Had been losing weight more than  thought I did. When I'm in Arau, I never thought that I did lose weight THAT much. Well, until I back home an try to put on some of my old baju kurung that could barely fit on my body before. Hehee~ It makes me happy. But I think I should keep my weight constant. Maybe losing a little bit more, but not so much. I don't want to be just bones and skins. :/

6. Being a stalker that manage to get someone scared of me, a little (LOT). Haha. Sorry Miss F, but stalking you is just a fun thing to do. Until it get bored after a little while. XD So yeah, I didn't stalk her anymore.

7. I miss him. Okay? It had been years, and the things that I heard about him didn't makes me feel good. He manage to make me thinks about "what-if's" and I hate that. So very much.

8. Worrying about someone who I don't even know how things were between us. Confusing, I guess that's the only word that I could use to interpret my feeling about it. Hehe. But its okay. I believe that things will sort out. Eventually. I just need to get myself calm and wait until the right moment. Just go with the flow. 

9. Putting on facade. When things didn't really goes well as planned or as I hoped. I'll just put a smile on my face and pretend that nothing goes wrong. Despite my heart twitch in pain. I guess I just can't say that I'm having a problem to random people? And I guess, little could realized it. A good actress, perhaps? Haha. 

10. Being crazy with my (guy) best friend. A good guy, and someone who's tolerating my crazy acts and sayings. A guy who talks to me about my ego. A guy that'll laugh with my over my silliness. A guy that won't hesitate to tell me if I did mistakes. But definitely not a guy I wanna married with. XD I hope that we will be best friends as long as we live. 

That's it, I guess? ;)

Anyway, take care and have a great day, everyone~

(|]^.^[|) Hilary Duff - So Yesterday.