Something about: Memories

Two long dreams with two different guys.

First one, I don’t even know why he appear in my dream. I mean, we practically had nothing between us, just civil senior-junior relationship or whatever you might call it. It’s creepy to think that he holds on to me that much. Urgh. Okay, the story. I don’t clearly remember it, but it looks like we are…dating? And he just refused to let go of my hand. People were teasing him, us, but he is just there, holding my hand and smile oh-so-sweetly to me. *shudders* I…should be scared, right? I mean, he’s younger than me okayyy! OMG OMG OMG~~~ *hysteric*

Second. Let’s just say I am having crush to this particular person. Why? That’s the big question with no answer. Hehe. Something happen (in the dream) that we were in an awkward situation. I mean, like things were right now in reality. I don’t know at what point how things were so awkward between him and me. Or it is just me? Hurm~

Let me clear this out, I’m just not good at handling guys as in guys. I’m happy having friends, but when hearts matters, let just say I’m out of it. Don’t involve me, please.

“I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through

The day and make it okay

I miss you

I've never felt this way before

Everything that I do reminds me of you

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor

And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

And when you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

And when you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through

The day and make it okay

I miss you

We were made for each other

Out here forever

I know we were, yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

And when you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

And when you're gone

All the words I need to hear will always get me through

The day and make it okay

I miss you”

Putting on façade is tiring. Putting on fake smiles is tiring. Somehow, to continue living even is tiring me out so much. IMYSFM. Did you know that? :’(

Sometimes we hope that “together forever” exists. But such term is just impossible, right? Healing hearts is not an easy task.

Sometime you had already letting go, but letting the memories engulfing you thus making this harder to face the world as it is now. Please please let me go, dear memory.

Incoherent rambling is just incoherent. Forget it. Just forget it.

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Avril Lavigne - When You're Gone