Happy Eid, Everyone! =)

So many things to be thankful for.

A day to celebrate.

And alhamdulillah for what I have up until now.

=)

ps: pelik. ramai dok merungut duit raya makin kurang. duit raya aku makin banyak. hari ni je dah rm200+. eh? 

Something about: bond.

No, I definitely am not writing about James Bond. Heh. -.-

Did you know how important it is to treasure all the people around you? Sometimes, there are people that when you need them, when you want them to be beside you (literally or not); without a word said and they happen to always be there for you. 

Sometimes, you barely knows each other, but you could share thoughts and opinion like you had known each others for more than ten years. Or even tell your problem and secrets to each others. Trying to get more of each other and tried to help out each other. Appreciating each other and not judging; just accepting.

Talking and having some chat with few people lately make me feel glad to just; alive. 

There are times when things get too overwhelming, a little bit more than I could take, a little bit more than I could ever handle; but I know I had people that cares of me. Families, and friends. I do appreciate each and every single one of them to just be there when I need them. Of course there are times that only me could solve my problem, but I don't think I could ever get through without them. At all.

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Maroon5 - Nothing Lasts Forever.

ps: this entry is dedicated to great hearts around me. Thank you everyone. =)

Something about: Home Sweet Home.

Finally, after long hours of journey, I reached home around 7.30 am. Alhamdulillah. Despite that we start the journey from Kangar around 10pm, but the bus driver take is slow and easy. And truthfully, I kinda liked that. Because these few days, it keeps raining and driving too fast could led to things that we don't want to happen happens, right? The important thing is I'm here in my house, safe and sound. Especially when lately, I'm not feeling all that great.

Then, to show how excited I am for this upcoming Shawwal, I had re-tried all my baju kurung. Okay, truthfully, I kinda worried it won't fit me because this Ramadhan whether you believe it or not, I had gain some weight. I just can't seem to stop eating during night. At times, even me myself can't believe I could eat THAT much. HAHA. Okay, back to the baju kurung. To my surprise, my baju kurung is loose. I don't even know if it is good thing or not. The poor baju kurung will need some pins or I'll look weird wearing them. HEHE. *awkwardlaugh*

Over this month of Ramadhan, believe it or not, I gain some friends. Alhamdulillah. =) Despite many things happens to me, but I gain a lot of things too it seems. Thank you Allah for everything.

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!



(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Maroon5 - Nothing Lasts Forever.

Something about: Friends.

Sometimes, the things that matters most is sharing. ;)

And sometimes, just listening is already great enough. Thanks friends. 

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Maddi Jane

Something about: Says.

"Somewhere between laughing for no reason, innocent smiles, long talks & making fun of each other, they fell in love."

Anonymous

---

My mood is having its roller-coaster moment. To put it in simple words, I'm emotionally unstable by now. As simple as that.

It hurts me when people plays Raya songs (sad ones, especially) without caring others feeling. I mean, I had no problem at all with all the fun and enjoying Raya songs. but the sad ones? Damn it lah. I had spent my entire short mid-semester break to finish so many things here in Arau. I had got no chances to meet my parents at all, and people just do things without cares of others. And to make things worse, they played such songs in MAXIMUM volumes. They just had to. Dude, I do nothing to you. Can you please, PLEASEEE wears your earpiece if you jest need to listen to such songs? Well, I mean, who knows you could die from NOT LISTEN to such songs, right? And that is not all. The annoying thing about all of this is people that do so is the people that their homes just close by (means they meets their parents in regular basis or went home every weekend).

Next, I had problem with wimpy kids that wails anytime they want, commenting things, COMPLAINING even when they got their parents close by. Dude, aku ni dari akhir bulan 5 tak jumpa mak abah aku. So please, before you do things or say things to me, please think. Because my patient already at its limit. I really don't want to throw harsh words to others, so just stay away from me! Unless if you really want to listen to my strings of curses, you're most welcome to poke me and annoys me.

Few things happened in this semester. And I decided to make space, putting gap between some people around me. I'm sorry, but hypocrisy is a big NO-NO to me. For once, I really am happy with this. Alhamdulillah. Because after so many things occurs, Allah had showed me people that worth enough and people that were not. I'm not throwing people away from me, I just make a gap, quite a huge one. HAHA. Because I did not want others to take me for granted. Or hurt me. At one point, I just decided to become a selfish person. A completely selfish. Because people takes me for granted, so why I must take them seriously, aite? ;)

This song, completely suits my mood right now. Cliché much?




Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!



(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ ayaka - Blue Days

Sesuatu tentang: Sakit Luar, Sakit Dalam.

Sakit luar. Bulan lepas jatuh, dan sampai sekarang masih sakit. Tunggu nak balik rumah dan berurut. TT.TT Sakitnya, hanya Allah yang tahu macam mana aku boleh tahan sampai sekarang. Yang paling penting, jangan lari sebab bila lari berkali ganda sakit tu rasanya. Rasa bersalah kepada mak abah, sebab selalu buat mereka risau. Setiap semester jatuh, setiap semester kena jumpa tukang urut. Dahlah rumah jauh. Nak jumpa selalu memang tak dapat, selalu pulak kemalangan. Maaf mak, maaf abah.

Sakit dalam. Sakit sangat bila cuba memahami orang yang tak mahu membuka hati dan memberi peluang untuk difahami. Sentiasa melindungi diri, entah dari apa dan siapa aku tak pasti. Dan aku? Terus-terusan menjeruk hati. Dan bersabar lagi. Masih cuba memahami situasi yang membelenggu diri. Memang best sahur dengan chocolate indulgence secret recipe. Eh? 

Tambah pulak dengan kawan baik yang selalu busy. Yang ni, aku taknak lah komen lebih-lebih sebab aku sedar, kami ada hidup sendiri. Tapi perasaan kecewa bila aku perlukan pertolongan dan dilayan endah tak endah tu, dalam hati mesih terasa.

Lepas tu homesick pulak. Sikit-sikit call mak abah. Cakap sekejap-sekejap je pon. Kalau ikut emosi masa call tu, memang dah berderu-deru air mata ni keluar. Tapi cuba tahan jugak. Takut mak abah bimbang lebih-lebih. Kadang-kadang tu, ter-menangis jugak.

Buat masa ni tengah dengar lagu ni ulang-ulang sampai rasa nak meraung-raung fikir pasal seseorang. Okay, bab meraung-raung tu aku tipu. Tapi memang hati terasa sebab macam-macam benda yang aku pendam. 

MAAF, AKU EGO. 

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

Something about: Patient Pays...

...Sooner. Or later. We just need to sit back, relax and enjoy what we have right now.

Last week was kinda hectic as quite a number of things need to be settled in one go. But thank God, Alhamdulillah, everything went quite well in the end.

One of the things is, preparing job application letter and resume for our mock interview. The given post to me is being an Education Counselor at one of private university here in Malaysia. Well, it is mock interview, the word mock itself should present the mean of the said assignment, right?

Preparing the resume had makes me think about the future a little bit more that I usually would. "Future" to me is what I need to do next, and what I'm aiming to be soon. I rarely think about more than a year ahead (unless about babies, yes, I do think A LOT about babies).

I want to have a stable life. Get married before 27. And have 2 kids before I'm 30. Why? I did not want to be THAT old when my child graduating their study. Haha. Just imagine. If my child was born when I'm 30 years old, I would be 50+ when my child graduates. THAT old? (nak bergambar pon dah tak vouge!) 

I dream of someone who will hold me, spooning me close to him and could whispering sweet nothings to me when I'm feeling too miserable. And just be there when I need him. Someone who would look after me. Who cares for me. Who would treat me like I am the most important lady (next to his mother, of course) in the world. Someone who could guide me. Someone who could lead me when its time to pray, be my Imam. Someone who could just accept me as what I am. The good and the bad side of me.

I just want to have a small families, yet full of love. Because sometimes, that's the only thing that matters.

Anyway, take care and have a great day! =)

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Far East Movement - Rocketeer.

ps: I'm way too miserable at this moment. Someone keeps me at confuse. 

Sesuatu tentang: Langsi.

notakepala: ini entri yang ditulis untuk melepaskan kemarahan.

"Aku tau lah kau ada jawatan, tapi tak payah lah nak langsi sangat dengan orang."

Di atas adalah status terbaru di facebook aku. Kenapa? Aku tengah menahan marah kepada manusia yang langsi tak tengok kanan kiri. Kau tahu?

Apa yang terjadi petang tadi. Sewaktu aku sedang menunggu dijemput kawan aku untuk berbuka puasa di Pizza Hut, aku melepak dengan kawan-kawan aku yang menunggu kawan-kawan yang lain - mereka akan berbuka puasa di Kuala Perlis katanya. Kami bertiga ketika itu, dua perempuan (termasuk aku) dan seorang rakan lelaki. Seorang rakan lelaki yang lain sedang mengambil barang di kolej.

Sedang kami berborak, tiba-tiba kami ditegur oleh hamba Allah. Perbualan berikutnya lebih kurang seperti ini.

Hamba Allah: Kamu berdua (merujuk kepada kedua-dua teman aku) ada urusan ke di sini?

Teman Perempuan: Kami tunggu kawan di sini.

Hamba Allah: Sebab kalau tiada urusan kami boleh ambil tindakan tau.

Dan teman aku terus lah membidas kata-kata hamba Allah itu. Kau nampak tak apa yang tak berapa nak kena di sini? AKU KAT SITU KOT. APA DIA INGAT AKU NI ADA SUPERPOWER JADI INVISIBLE KE HAPE? 

Buat muka mintak carut aku pulak tu. Kalau lah ikut baran aku, aku teringinlah nak cakap macam ni.

"Cik adik comel (comel kee?), awak ni dah elok dah. Pakai tudung labuh. Baju longgar, bak kata, tutup auratlah. Tapi sayang, kasut tu tukarlah kepada yang tapak getah. Ini tak, keletang keletung jugak saya dengar."

AKU WIN SEJUTA KALI. :P

Sesuatu tentang: Dalaman.

notakepala: ini entri memakihamun manusia. Sekian terima kasih.

Aku takde hal lah bila orang nak bercinta-cinta dekat facebook tu sebenarnya. Tapi aku ada hal lah bila kau bercinta tak hengat dunia lepas tu bila kau bergaduh bagai dengan boypren gelpren kau lepas tu dok makimaki tak hengat dunia. Kau fikir kau cool sangatlah?

PUHLEASE HOKAYH. 

Kalau kau pikir kau cool buat bendebende takde faedah macam tu, aku memang berniat besar nak ambil baldi dan muntahmuntah sebab aku rase kau ni memanglah tak sedar diri.

Lepas tu nak tunjuktunjuk yang boypren gelpren kau jeles lebehlebeh sebab dia sayang kau. Memang kalau dapat dekat aku, aku pang duadua sekaligus. Tolonglah weyh. Kau dok kapelkapel tak hengat dunia, kau hidup gune duit sape je weyh? Duit Pak Mak hang jugak. Jadi tak payahlah nak overover sangat yeee?

Serius. Aku memang takde hal kalau kau nak bermesramanja bagai, tapi kalau kau gaduh, sendiri pikir lah nak cover macam mane sebab aku memang tak hingin nak tau ape jadi dekat rumahtangga korang.

Sekian terima kasih.

notakaki: aku tak suka kau gaduhgaduh lepastu kutukkutuk sebab aku rase kalau orang buat macam tu, takde beza pon dia dengan orang yang dia kutukkutuk tu. Kutukkutuk tapi lepas tu gedik ew ew punye. Oh, aku memang tak paham manusia species merekamereka ini. 

Something about: worried.

Some people just don't know when others are worried of them. Like, seriously.

If people don't know or can't decipher it, it makes me feels like I am a bad friends.

Sesuatu tentang: Perbezaan.

I might as well wearing lots of makeup tomorrow for not sleeping yet at this moment despite having an important class started at 8 am tomorrow. HAHA. =)

Antara sahabat dan kawan; banyak perbezaannya tu. =) Kawan dan kenalan; masih juga banyak perbezaan di antara mereka itu. Kau tahu?

Bagi aku, sahabat itu adalah mereka yang memberi dan menerima. Tidaklah hanya memberi tapi tidak mahu menerima langsung, dan tidak juga yang asyik menerima tanpa memberi. 'Give and take' dalam perhubungan bagaimanapun, bagi aku adalah penting. Tapi mestilah ada perbezaan dengan 'relationship-for-benefit'. Kau tahu apa bezanya? 'Relationship-for-benefit' tiada istilah ikhlas dalam perhubungannya. Takde feel langsung hubungan macam tu. HAHA. =)

Dan bagi aku juga, sahabat itu adalah mereka yang tahu bila kita memerlukan mereka, dan sentiasa ada untuk kita. Bukan sahaja masa senang, malahan masa susah. Pendek kata, bila-bila pun boleh bersama mereka. Sentiasa tahu masa yang tepat untuk menegur kesalahan kita dan tahu cara untuk menegur tanpa melukakan hati kita. Tapi tidaklah sampai melekat 24/7 sebab masing-masing perlulah ada life sendiri. Jujurnya, aku tak suka terlalu banyak masa diluangkan bersama kenalan, kawan, mahupun sahabat. Benar, merekalah yang mewarnai kehidupan kita. Tapi janganlah sampai terlupa yang masing-masing kita ada visi dan misi kita sendiri; demi masa hadapan kita juga. 

Sahabat juga tahu, bila masa mereka perlu memberikan kita ruang dan masa. Ya, ruang DAN masa. Kedua-duanya penting. Bila aku dilanda masalah, aku sebolehnya akan menyelesaikan masalah sendiri. Aku tak mahu terlalu bergantung kepada mereka yang berada di sisi aku. Kerana aku takut aku tidak mampu untuk belajar berdikari. Berdiri di atas kaki sendiri; mudah dikatakan sukar dikotakan. Aku pasti kau setuju, walaupun kau telah terbukti berjaya melaksanakannya. Hidup yang mudah; bukanlah hidup pada pandanganku.

Dan sahabat, mereka meminjamkan telinga mendengar permasalahan kita, dan meminjamkan bahu dikala kita hanya ingin menangis melepaskan segala yang terbuku di hati kita. Walaupun telah terbukti bahawa menangis tidak membuatkan kita merasa lebih baik, tapi kadang-kala hanya itu yang mampu dilakukan apabila hati terlalu rawan. 

Kawan aku, aku rasa bolehlah dikatakan ramai juga. Tapi mereka yang bergelar sahabat? 

Tapi yang pasti, hati aku teringatkan seseorang setiap kali mendengar lagu ini.

Kalaulah hidup ini terlalu adil (keadilan dilaksanakan sepenuhnya di muka bumi, maksudku) maka semua orang akan merasai definisi bahagia. Tapi sayangnya, jikalau semua orang bahagia, berapa ramai yang akan belajar untuk bersyukur dengan apa yang mereka ada?

Allah SWT lebih mengetahui tentang segalanya. Dan kamu, maaf perlakuanku dan perbuatanku telah mencalarkan egomu sepenuhnya. Mungkin, inilah yang terbaik untuk kita. Farewell and good luck in your future. 

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Corrinne May - Shelter.

Something about: Being Strong.

Of course being strong is not an easy task to accomplish. But we as human need to try our best to be one. =)

Right now, truthfully, I just hope that I am strong enough to not get hurt by people around me.

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!



(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts.

Something about: future.

How many of us had really thought about our future properly? Well, I hadn't. Yet. HAHA.

If I need to put a picture of me around ten years later (that makes me twentynine) I'll say I want a proper job. A stable career which I could handle them properly. And being a better me in many aspect; one of them is being maturer me and not someone who get too dependent on others. Well, since I would be twentynine, I do hope that I already have a small family. Two or three kids, and a great husband. You know, a husband that every women dream of.

Career and family is all I wish, as per now.

But I think I'll propose the guy that I really love with this song.

"Me, a family, a house, a family

Ooh, can we be a family?

And when I'm eighty years old I'm sitting next to you"

Colbie Caillat - I Do ♥

Because I'm cool and the guy is not. HAHA.

But if he cooler than me, he'll at least will try to satisfy my want, eh? And this is what I want.

source.

=)

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Colbie Caillat - I Do

Four years and counting.
For every smile and tears that we have been through together, I guess "Thank you" won't ever be enough.
But still, THANK YOU, for everything. =)
ilysfm. ♥

Something about: hurtful thought.

"We hurt; because we let ourselves to."

It hurts you when you look at your friend, someone that almost holding the title best friend, had manage to torn your heart.

Yesterday, I tried a little bit too hard that I end up hurting myself, again. Physically. But this time, I decided not to take it too hard. For once, I decided to stand tall and proud, and look past that person as if that person is not exist. It might hurt that person, but it hurts me more, truthfully.

I know I'm rambling incoherently now, but that's how miserable I am. Inside.

---

Anyway, kinda addicted to this song.♥♥♥

"kimi ga

boku ni itemo

demo omoidasu nagaru kara

shijiteru yo shinjiteru yo"

Zivilia - Aishiteru

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Zivilia - Aishiteru

i need help. big time. *sigh

Something about: cheers!

Truthfully. It hurts. Too many things hurt my feelings; my heart. But then I guess, it can't be avoided. 

First. I treat people that act childishly with childish act. I know, its not something that I should be proud of, but the thought of pretending it is okay when clearly it is, not hurts me even more. Don't question why I take such action; you're the one that started all of these.

Second. Almost snapped at someone that acting waayyy too much this time. When I clearly not interested to engage in a conversation with you, when I am clearly annoyed by your act to me and to others; I mean, can't you see it? Apa kau ingat kau kutuk-kutuk anak orang kat aku, kau ingat kau tu dah bagus sangatlah? Really, stop annoying me with your words. Damn, your act even! -.- Dahlah buat dosa kat aku pon kau tak mintak maaf lagi. Grrrr~

I think I need a psychiatry. Any suggestion? *sigh*

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~Auburn - Perfect Two

Cerpen: Perihal Cinta.

Qistina berjalan perlahan-lahan ke kamar puteranya. Semakin dekat dengan kamar itu, semakin jelas bacaan ayat-ayat suci al-Quran menyapa gegendang telinganya. Senyuman terukir tanpa sedar di bibirnya yang merah merekah. Sampai di pintu kamar puteranya, dia menyandarkan badan di muka pintu; menghayati bacaan ayat suci al-Quran yang tidak pernah untuk tidak melekakannya. Apatah lagi bacaan yang dialunkan oleh suaminya sendiri.

Dziyab yang menyedari dirinya direnung memanggungkan sedikit mukanya, namun tidak langsung memberhentikan bacaan. Tangannya hanya menepuk ruang di sebelahnya, mengisyaratkan agar Qistina duduk di situ.

Memahami isyarat yang diberi, Qistina melangkah perlahan-lahan menghampiri katil Rayyan, namun dia tidak duduk di sebelah Dziyab sebaliknya duduk di sebelah yang bertentangan dengan suaminya. Ditunduk sedikit badannya, mengucup dahi Rayyan dengan penuh hati-hati agar tidak mengganggu tidur puteranya itu.

Qistina terus duduk sambil menghayati detik-detik yang menyelubunginya kini. Adalah satu kelaziman untuk Dziyab untuk menidurkan putera mereka dengan ayat-ayat suci al-Quran, seingat Qistina sejak Rayyan bercerai susu badan. Rayyan kini sudahpun berusia empat tahun. Dan perasaan yang menduduki hatinya ketika ini tidak akan dapat diungkap dengan kata-kata.

Hanya selepas hampir sepuluh minit, barulah Dziyab memberhentikan bacaannya. Setelah dikucup naskhah itu, Al-Quran yang berada di tangannya diletakkan di rak bersebelahan dengan katil Rayyan. Perlahan-lahan Dziyab melangkah ke arah isterinya dan menghulurkan tangan.

Dengan senyuman yang terukir di bibir, Qistina menyambut huluran tangan suaminya. Dengan berpimpin tangan, mereka melangkah keluar dari bilik putera mereka untuk kembali ke kamar mereka.

“Lama ke berdiri tengok abang tadi?” Tanya Dziyab setelah masing-masing duduk di atas katil.

“Taklah. Qis sukalah dengar abang baca al-Quran. Sedap.”

Dziyab menggeleng-gelengkan kepalanya mendengar balasan dari isterinya itu. Segera dicapai tangan isterinya lalu dikucup. “Qistina, sayang tengah mengandung, kan? Janganlah penatkan sangat badan tu. Dahlah sayang baru habis mengemas di dapur.”

“Tak penatlah bang. Berdiri sekejap je tadi tu. Rindu kat abang, tu yang pergi bilik Rayyan tu.” Ujar Qistina sebelum mengenyitkan matanya nakal. Qistina menarik tangan Dziyab sebelum diletakkan di atas perutnya yang sedang membesar, jika dihitung sekarang ini kandungannya hampir mencecah ke bulan yang kelima. “Rasanya baby Rania pun rindukan papa dia.” Dengan senyuman yang melebar, Qistina meluahkan kata-kata itu.

Dziyab mendepakan tangannya lalu menarik Qistina ke dalam pelukannya. “Thank you for everything, Qis dear. Thank you.” Dziyab membisikkan kata-katanya perlahan ke telinga Qistina sambil pelukan kepada isterinya dikejapkan lagi.

Lama Qistina membiarkan sahaja dirinya dipeluk suaminya. Qistina sedar, Dziyab jarang meluahkan perasaan hatinya kerana Dziyab adalah lelaki yang lebih kepada perbuatan dari perkataan. “Dahlah bang, kita tidur, ya?”

“Sahur pagi nanti biar abang yang siapkan, ya? Abang kejutkan pukul 5, boleh?”

Hanya senyuman diiringi anggukan Qistina yang membalas pertanyaan suaminya itu.

Qistina membetulkan baringan. Entah mengapa malam ini sukar sungguh matanya mahu lelap setelah bermimpi sebentar tadi. Qistina memandang Dziyab yang sedang tidur nyenyak. Sekali sekala, terdengar desahan halus nafas suaminya. Dia merapatkan badan dan meletakkan kepala atas dada Dziyab, mendengar setiap degupan jantung suaminya. Tangannya melingkari pinggang suaminya, penuh hati-hati agar tidak mengejutkan suaminya dari lena.

Qistina teringat mimpinya tadi, sebelum dia menerima pinangan Dziyab, ramai yang menyangka bahawa mereka tidak akan bahagia. Jujurnya, dia sendiri tidak menyangka akan menerima pinangan dari Dziyab, teman sekelasnya ketika itu. Dziyab selama mereka menjadi kawan, tidak pernah menunjukkan sebarang tanda meminati dirinya, apatah lagi mereka tidaklah rapat mana sepanjang perkenalan.

Namun kini, hanya pujian kepadaNya yang mampu diucapkan. Qistina bersyukur, dalam pelbagai keraguan dan kegusaran yang dilempar kepadanya, hatinya dibuka untuk menerima Dziyab. Solat istikharahnya dijawab dengan mimpi sebuah keluarga bahagia disisi Dziyab. Dengan hati yang sedikit gementar, pinangan dari pihak Dziyab diterima setelah dua minggu dihulur.

Alhamdulillah, segalanya berjalan lancar setelah itu. Benar, satu perkahwinan yang dibina begini bukan mudah untuk masing-masing menyesuaikan diri, namun mujurlah Dziyab banyak beralah. Banyak mengingatkan bahawa masing-masing tidak sempurna, dan apa yang penting adalah mencari definisi bahagia, cara mereka sendiri.

Pegangan di pinggang suaminya dikejapkan sedikit. Tidak langsung menyangka pergerakan yang sedikit itu membuatkan Dziyab terjaga.

Dziyab memandang Qistina yang membalas pandang dengan ucapan ‘maaf’ yang perlahan. Tangannya mengusap rambut Qistina perlahan-lahan. “Sayang, kenapa tak tidur lagi ni?” Baringan dibetulkan, mengiring menghadap Qistina setelah mengalihkan tangan Qistina sedikit yang melingkari pinggangnya sebelum ini. Sengaja dikucup hidung isterinya, nakal. “Come, tell me. Kenapa tak tidur lagi ni?”

“Qis tak tahulah bang. Tak boleh nak lelap pulak mata ni.” Qistina mengeluh perlahan.

“Baby Rania tendang sayang ke?” Tanya Dziyab tiba-tiba, wajahnya mempamerkan kebimbangan.

“Hm, taklah. Baby okay je. Mama dia yang tak boleh tidur, tak tahulah kenapa.” Qistina merapatkan badannya ke Dziyab dengan berhati-hati agar tidak terlalu memberi tekanan pada bahagian perutnya. “Qis mimpi tadi. Teringat masa sebelum kita kahwin dulu.”

“Yang mana?” Tanya Dziyab, tidak sabar mendengar cerita Qistina.

“Yalah. Dulu kan ramai yang tak percaya masa abang pinang Qis. Ada yang cakap dekat Qis lagi, yang kalaulah Qis terima pinangan abang masa tu, Qis takkan bahagia.” Dan Qistina terus bercerita, meluahkan pelbagai perkara yang pernah dialaminya suatu ketika dahulu. Ada yang pernah diceritakan sebelum ini kepada Dziyab, dan ada yang baru diceritakan sekarang ini.

“Apa perasaan Qis sekarang?” Tanya Dziyab setelah Qistina habis berbicara. “Qis menyesal tak menerima abang dalam hidup Qis?”

Qistina tersenyum sambil menggelengkan kepalanya. “Qis tidak pernah menyesal, dan inshaAllah tidak akan menyesal. Menerima abang menjadi sebahagian hidup Qis adalah keputusan yang terbaik pernah Qis buat dalam hidup ini, Qis percaya.”

“Abang pun berharap agar hubungan kita akan kekal. Bukan hanya di sini. Tapi sampai syurga.” Dziyab mengucup dahi Qistina penuh kasih. “Hanya itu yang abang harapkan, sampai bila-bila. Mungkin abang tak sempurna, tapi kita akan berusaha bersama-sama untuk bahagia, kan?”

Dan Qistina hanya mengangguk dalam linangan air mata; bahagia.

---

Kadang-kadang, permintaan yang ringkas itulah yang paling sukar dicari, ditemui, dan dirasai dalam hidup kita. Berharaplah, dan berdoalah yang terbaik itu akan kunjung tiba satu hari nanti. Penantian satu penyiksaan, tapi tanpa merasa susah, kita jarang sekali untuk menghargai kesenangan yang dikecapi. ;) 

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Faizal Tahir - Sampai Syurga

Something about: joy and sorrow.

warning; this post is full of incoherent-ness. HAHA. 

It is impossible to be happy all the time. And it is also ridiculous to be in sadness all the time too. I need to admit that I'm having problem to control my emotion lately. Hazmi says to me that I'm having the so-called-homesick. Well, of course I am. I miss all my family members so much. And now it is Ramadhan, I can't help but reminiscing the moment when all the family members gather together to break fast. Well, despite that not all the time all of us in the same table, but I really do miss those moment. It just quite unbearable at times, spending time away from families, I mean. One thing for sure, I'm having emotional breakdown lately. Just, aren't that bad to be sent to psychiatry, I guess? XD

But spending Ramadhan away from families aren't that bad, actually. Experience many things, for example, I had gain during Ramadhan. =) For example, our class just gather to break fast together today. Aren't that a new thing to be done? .^_^. This Wednesday, we're going to break fast with lecturers of our faculty (as far as I know). And next week, co-curricular drama II will break fast with our coach, Pn Nor Izwani. Haha. I guess the activity for this Ramadhan is only break fast with various people. XD

Because of my mood is not that great, I'm having weird craving over dessert @ sweets. And here I list my top 5 all time favourite desserts. 

NO 1: Sherbet. Strawberry flavour is the most preferable. Melon is no 2. =) ♥ ♥ ♥ 

source

NO 2: Choco parfait.  YUMMAAAYYYHHH. =) ♥ ♥ ♥

source.

NO 3: Choco mousse. Yeah baby, come to mama. Come to mamaaa~~!!! =)

source.

NO 4: Marble cheesecake. I could go even for 3 slices when I'm on the mood! HAHA. =)

source.

NO 5: Choco moist cake. Sinful enough? Bwahahaa~ =)

source.

DANG! Need dessertsssssss. Know where to find 'em?

This. The song that I listen to as this post written by me! Enjoy! =) A great song with deep meaning is love! ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Sakamoto Fuyumi - mata Kimi ni Koishiteru

Sesuatu tentang: Perasaan; Cinta.

Entri ini entri meluahkan perasaan. Terima kasih! =)

Dan sedang aku hanyut dibuai perasaan, kenyataan datang membunuh harapan. Harapan yang diharap menjadi kenyataan, telah hancur musnah begitu sahaja. Namun aku sedar, tak semua pengharapan akan dimakbulkanNya. Dia yang lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk semua hambaNya, bukan? ;) Walau bagaimanapun, aku mengharapkan yang terbaik; buat dia juga buat aku. Masa yang akan menentukan segalanya. Mungkin begini juga bagus, aku tidaklah dibuai angan tanpa henti yang mampu melukakan aku lebih dalam di kemudian hari.

Satu perkara yang pasti, perasaan itu tidak boleh dipaksa. Datang dan pergilah ia tanpa dipinta. Dipupuk itu mungkin, namun pengakhirannya tiada jaminan. Perasaan yang datang tanpa dipinta dan tidak dipupuk juga mampu pergi dalam sekelip mata, apatah lagi perasaan yang dipupuk itu, bukan? Sedang aku mempelajari kebenaran itu, hatiku terluka sedikit. Namun aku relakan perasaan itu, kerana aku sebenarnya mempelajari lebih banyak dengan kelukaan yang ku rasakan ini.

Benar, mengenali dia sedikit demi sedikit telah membuka minda aku, juga sedikit demi sedikit. Aku mempelajari untuk melihat dunia ini melalui matanya. Perspektifnya tentang hidup, pandangannnya tentang manusia, pemikirannya tentang cinta. Aneh, namun itulah yang aku rasakan aku dapat semakin aku mengenali dia. 

Seseorang mengatakan gerak hati aku salah. Namun aku sangat yakin ianya betul. Dia telah membina sempadan dan mendirikan batu penghalang. Untuk apa aku meruntuhkan apa yang telah dibina dan didirikan? Dan kalaulah aku punya keberanian itu, dan aku melakukannya, apakah definisi bahagia akan dirasai kami berdua? Aku dapat merasakan, keadaan hanya menjadi lebih rumit. Bukan hanya antara kami, malahan orang yang berada di sekeliling kami. 

Walau apapun yang akan terjadi di kemudiannya, aku tak mahulah kisah cinta aku menjadi seperti ini;

Sadis sangat ceritanya. HAHA.

Ya, aku tahu entri ini entri merapu. =)

---

Sejujurnya, aku tidak menggemari diri aku akhir-akhir ini. Aku menjadi kembali Nabilah yang cengeng, yang terlalu mudah tersentuh hati dan mudah juga mengalirkan air mata. Benar, aku akan teringat kembali pesan temanku, "hati itu lembut, jangan keraskannya", tapi dengan segala macam yang terjadi belakangan ini yang kukira mengganggu kesihatan mentalku. Begitu banyak air mata yang telah tumpah, dan banyak juga cerita yang akhirnya ku pendam sendiri. Perkara yang telah sedia ada rumit, aku tak mahu ia menjadi lebih rumit dari yang sedang terjadi. Mungkin segalanya tidak serumit ini jika hatiku sedikit kental.



(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Mr Children - HANABI

Something about: thought.

All emo-ing today. Few things just went wrong, and I don't think I could even fake my smile properly right now. Its frustrating that you know, you see, you could even feel yet no words could come out from you. You want to say it, to screams it, but you can't. You know it is wrong, but you don't have enough gut to correct it. You want to, but you just can't do. Its damn frustrating.

And it is even frustrating that you want to share it with someone, to lessen the burden perhaps or at least to know what you should do with something that had already happen, or maybe...maybe ways to handle it in case it happens again in future yet no one that you could trust enough. And some people that you trust enough are in two categories; (1) they're too busy with their life to listen now or (2) you look at them and no words come from you because you're too afraid they'll judge you or even worse, blame you. 

I really can't thank enough to people that had manage to distract me from thinking too much of what had happen before. I know it is wrong to say I'm okay when I am clearly not, but I can't talk. I just can't. 

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ KAT-TUN - Will Be Alright

Something about: Missing them.

I miss my family right now~~~ *homesick* Especially when I am not only homesick, but also sick.

For some reason, I remembering the time when I was a kid, back then. I grow up as someone who actually eats depending on my mood. And I did not eat at times, really. I remember up until I am around seven, I need to be pushed to eat or finishing up my food by my mother. The same thing happen again and again until at one moment, my mom stop pushing me to finish up my food. What she did was; make sure I eat as I usually would, no matter how small the quantity is. Well, I guess such habits stick to me until now. One thing that I hate the most until now is, people thinking that I am on diet because how small the quantity of foods taken by me. Its quite annoying, really. I eat little doesn't mean I am on diet. If I'm on diet, I'll fasting because when I'm fasting, I eat only once a day; during break fast. So yeah, if only you could understand how annoyed if I am eating out with others only to get question "are you on diet" etc etc thrown at me. Really, people. Stop throwing such question to me. I should have realized it earlier that being too stressed out make me lose weight too. -_-

Right now, I'm not feeling all that well. The weather, perhaps playing such role. Almost collapse earlier on my way to class. Arau is too hot for me! And my stomach too. Talking about it with my mother, saying that my stomach making problem to me despite I only eat little bit spicy food more than I could actually handle. Well, compare to others normally consume, what I take few days back is nothing. Haha. -,-" And my mom just reply saying, "nak buat macam mana, dah lidah minah salleh". I was like,... MOOOOMMMMM!!! =.="

Mom said that Baby Umar (my brother's son) had lose weight. Mom said that it because of he fall sick few weeks back, and he lose so much weight. Aww~ I miss him so much, too. Me at Arau, while he's at Johor. So far away~~~ :'( I really can't wait for this upcoming short Shawwal, the time that all the family members will gather together. Seriously, being in Arau, despite so many good things, there's also minus things. The greatest example of all time is the distance from families. I know I'm acting like a spoil rotten child, but I really can't help it. I miss my family so much! I really do! :'( Can't wait 25th of August, cause that's the date of I'll be home! :D Well, at least that was what I hope, since the ticket already been bought. InshaAllah.

Baby Umar ♥♥♥

There are few things that I had done today, which I am not proud of it. But really, stop disturb me when I clearly can't even talk to you properly, please. You've commented way too much about me, did a little bit more that I could have ever stand, you're judging me while YOU BARELY KNOW WHO I AM, we barely even talk to each other before, I just can't stand it at all when you're actually acting all nice to me lately, suddenly, after something happen to you. I can't help it if she did something like that to you, I got nothing to do with it at all. Please, spare me from your problem. I had got myself enough problem to taken care of, I really had no time to help you with your problem. I know I'm acting so selfish here, but the wound that had been created by your act to me had not heal yet. I'm sorry. 

I'm acting all emo-ing lately. People says cause of moodswings, I'll say it because of too much stress. HAHA. :P

Anyway, take care and have a great day everyone!

(|].^_^.[|) ♪♫~~ Shiina Ringo - Aozora

You know you're having crush on someone when you decided to overlook the imperfections of the person. ;)

Nabilah Mohamad Arifin

Something about: heart. ♥

One thing after another. O Allah, I pray that you'll help me through this thing. I don't know how strong I am, if I am strong enough to face another episode that I have been through before.

I really can't bare it if the history repeats itself. :'(